I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
