i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My life is pants optional.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
