I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
