she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
