I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
