I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
