I am puke
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
