i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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