The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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