soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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