Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
