3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
