I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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