Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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