so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
