grandma shit on top of the toilet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
