Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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