alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
