it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
