what if every blade of grass was a penis?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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