Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
