id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
