Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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