the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
