he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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