Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
