u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
