I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
