I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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