Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
