im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
