So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
