Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
