Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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