but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
operation harelip BJ is a go
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
