Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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