Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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