I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
