just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
