I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Did I show you my penis last night?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
