It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
how drunk are you?
Several
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
