I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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