It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
