God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
