he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
