Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
