smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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