shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
