Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
