so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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