Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
