So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
