You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
