I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
