I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
